


The Fire That Burns Beneath

by GreatBritishTravels



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Affairs, Ben and Callum own my heart, Closeted Character, Coming Out, Fluff and Angst, Infidelity, Jealousy, Kissing, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Secrets, Soft Ben, Softness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-05-30 18:52:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19409278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreatBritishTravels/pseuds/GreatBritishTravels
Summary: It isn’t any of his business, it really shouldn’t be... but he can’t help it. Listening to Ben talking about possible Grindr matches makes his blood boil.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first try at writing fan fiction. Hope you enjoy reading it, I certainly loved writing it! Ben and Callum own my heart.
> 
> Would love to hear what you think x

It isn’t any of his business, it really shouldn’t be... but he can’t help it. Listening to Ben talking about possible Grindr matches makes his blood boil. He’s talking about hook-ups after all! _But really_ , he tells himself, _what do I care?_

Callum’s sitting in a booth at E20 with Jay, Ruby, Whit and Ben. The latter is showing them pictures of guys on Grindr. Ruby and Whit are having a laugh pointing out who they’d think could be a good fit for Ben. 

Callum hastily gulps down his beer, “What are you guys having? It’s on me.” At last he looks at Ben who’s staring at him like he’s gone mental. “Another beer, is it?” “Nah, mate I might need something stronger. I’ll come and help ya, though”. With that he gets up and walks straight to the bar. 

„Everything alright, Cal?”, Ben asks him quietly. “Why do you keep calling me that?”, Callum hisses back at him, there’s a fire burning now beneath the tranquil surface of his blue eyes. Ben feels like he’s the only one who can see it, see through him. 

He looks up at him with one of his trademark grins plastered across his face “Cal? That’s your name, isn’t it?” “Nobody calls me that, well nobody but you.”

“Well how fitting, considering I have seen a side to you that nobody’s seen before.” “Don’t you talk about that! I told you not to mention it again.” 

Ben looks at him for a moment before he abruptly turns around to face the bartender. He can’t stand hearing Callum deny what has happened between them. “Whiskey please and make it a double.” He grabs his, Jay’s and Ruby’s drinks before heading back to the booth where they’re all sitting, still chatting about his love life. If only they knew. 

Callum watches Ben, he can make out the muscles beneath his shirt stretching and flexing as he sits down again. God, how he hates himself for not being able to just snap out of it. And yet he just has to mutter “Beautiful” under his breath.

He excuses himself after another ten torturous minutes. He whispers to Whit that his stomach feels a bit queasy and walks off to the bogs. What excuse would Ben make to follow him? Staring at his refection in the mirror for the last couple of minutes, he suddenly has doubts he would follow him at all. Had he ruined it? _Snap out of it, Callum_ , he thought, _there was nothing to ruin in the first place..._ Still, his heart almost jumped out of his chest when he finally saw Ben strolling through the door.

Ben spots Callum standing in front of the mirrors and holding onto the sink with both hands, his shoulders slightly slumped. As soon as he steps into the room Callum’s back straightens. Ben leans against the cubicle right opposite and makes eye contact with Callum’s reflection in the mirror.

“Right, what’s up with you?”, he says.

“What’s up with me?! You keep on mentioning us and wind me up even though I told you not to.” Ben doesn’t say anything, he knows Callum hasn’t finished yet. “And what’s it to you anyways? You are constantly looking for another meaningless hook-up on that disgusting app of yours!”

Ben looks at him, Callum’s eyes are wild with fury - or is it something else? Is this jealousy?

“Are ya jealous? For fucks sake, Callum. You told me we were over! Yes, those Grindr guys mean nothing to me, they are meaningless. But tell me, what should I do? Watching you and Whit prepare for your big day? Or the two of ya kissing on the Square?” he grabs Callum, who’s now completely silent, by his collar. “It hurts, Cal.”, his voice breaks slightly, “What have ya done to me?!”

Callum urges forward, closes the gap between their lips and pushes Ben into the cubicle behind him. This feels more explosive than ever, Callum can feel Ben’s heartbeat on his lips as he eagerly kisses the side of his neck. Callum suddenly stops and takes a look at Ben. Ben can see that there’s a burning question on his lover’s mind. “Ya wanna know if I really was on the pull?” Cal just nods while thinking how on earth he could’ve guessed what he was about to ask him.

“Believe me, I tried, I really wanted to forget about ya and thought that might do the trick. But funnily enough, it just made me realise how much I wanted ya.” “Realise? How?” 

“Look, the first guy I met reminded me of you as he was the same height. The next guy came in a suit just like yours. And all I could bloody see was your face! I couldn’t go through with it, they weren’t you. It ain’t easy for me, ya know! Can’t believe how much I want ya, Callum.” This time it was Callum’s thumb that caressed his cheek and then he kissed him again.

Ben didn’t have the strength to ask him what he would do after. If he would go back to denying what had happened between them, to shut the door to his closet for good. And he certainly didn’t want to think about the consequences of him slowly but steadily falling in love with the tall man right in front of him. All he really wanted for now was to kiss him senseless and to hold onto this moment forever.


	2. Chapter 2

“Is everything alright with Callum?”, Ruby asks Whitney. “I hope so... he told me his stomach felt a bit queasy. Could any of you guys check on him? Just in case?” 

“Sure, I’ll go. He looked out for me at your housewarming party, so I owe him.”, Ben replies.

“Thanks, Ben, I really appreciate it!” Ben just nods and walks off.

*** 

“What takes them so long? It feels like Ben’s been gone for ages.”, Jay says. “I have to pop to the loo anyway. I’ll check on ‘em” 

Whitney and Ruby look up at him and smile, they’ve been drinking far too much in such a short time. They’re giggling away at something, Jay couldn’t quite catch what it was as he’s already on his way and out of earshot. 

“Ben, Callum - ya in there?”, Jay shouts out as he bursts through the door. He can’t see anybody, but one of the cubicles is occupied. There’s no answer, all he hears is a shuffling noise and heavy breathing. “Everything okay?”, he asks again. Ben’s the one to answer. “Yeah, Callum’s feeling better again. Wait a minute, mate.” Jay can hear him flush the toilet. 

Callum’s the first to step out of the cubicle, hands in his pockets. “He had to throw up, ya know.“ Callum follows suit, looking very pale indeed.

“And you had to hold his hair back or what?” Ben just shrugs at that. Jay looks at him and jokingly says: “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say there was something going on between the two of ya.” Ben laugh sounds almost genuine to Callum who doesn’t dare look at Jay. Instead he steps up to the sink to wash out his mouth.

_*Back in the bogs*_

Callum pushes Ben into the cubicle behind him and shuts the door. He shouldn’t be doing this, but he just cannot stay away from the man in front of him. 

Kissing him makes him feel alive, Ben makes him feel alive. The hollowness in his heart is filled with warmth whenever he is around him. Just looking at him makes him want to rip Ben’s clothes off. 

Ben hungrily kisses Callum, who slides his hands underneath Ben’s shirt, touching his skin as if to memorise every inch of it. It’s Ben’s turn to unbutton Callum’s shirt. Just as they are about to undo each other’s belt buckles, someone steps into the toilets. 

“Ben, Callum - ya in there?” 

It’s Jay. Fuck. They totally lost track of time while making out. Callum freezes and just stares at Ben, who can see the panic in his eyes. Ben’s mind is racing, what should they do? Ben keeps staring at Callum’s bare torso, while his hands seem to start working of their own accord. Cal, still heavily breathing, looks almost presentable again. 

“Everything okay?”, Jay asks again. “Yeah, Callum’s feeling better again. Wait a minute, mate.”, Ben finally answers, himself wondering at how firm his voice sounds. He nudges the other man, finally getting him out of his state of shock. Ben motions him to flush the toilet.

Ben steps out of the cubicle and is greeted by a confused looking Jay. He comes up with the only excuse remotely plausible: “He had to throw up, ya know.“

Callum steps out of the cubicle moments later, his eyes fixed to the floor. He hears Jay ask Ben if he had to hold back his hair. Ben just shrugs at that. Callum steps up to the sinks just as Jay says: “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say there was something going on between the two of ya.”

Callum’s heart is racing... is it that obvious? This thing between them? He stares into the mirror and sees Ben’s reaction. Ben’s laugh, even in this situation, makes his heart flutter and knees go weak. He is surprised at how genuine his laugh sounds, he’s a good actor when he wants to be. Callum doesn’t dare look at Jay, afraid he might realise the truth in his words merely by glancing into Cal’s panic-stricken eyes. Instead he decides to wash his mouth out. 

Back at the table, they decide to call it a day. Whitney and Ruby now too drunk to sit straight, Ben helps to Callum in carrying his fiancée home while Jay struggles to get Ruby home on his own. 

“I could really use a cuppa now. Want one too?”, Callum asks Ben after they put Whitney to bed. “That might not be such a good idea, what with Whit in the next room.”, Ben says with a sad smile on his face. “Oh, okay.” Callum stutters and looks longingly into Ben’s eyes. He can’t resist and leans in to kiss Ben only to stop in his tracks when he hears Whitney calling out his name. “We’ll talk tomorrow, alright?”, Ben asks and squeezes Cal’s hand. “Yeah, see you tomorrow.”

***

The next morning, Ben strolls into Jay’s office at the funeral parlour, expecting Callum to sit at his desk. Only, he isn’t there. 

“Oi Ben, what are ya doing here so early?”

“Good morning to you too, Jay. Thought I’d drop by to visit my brother. Brought ya some coffee too.” 

“Thanks, brother. I can use it, trust me. Especially now that I have to do Callum’s workload as well.” 

“Oh yeah, is he off sick?”, Ben asks trying to sound as casual as possible. If only Jay knew how fast his heart started beating whenever he heard Callum’s name being mentioned.

Suddenly Ben feels his mobile vibrate in his pocket, trying not to look too suspiciously he glances at the message. “Home alone. Can you come?” It’s from Callum. Thankfully, Jay’s just about to leave, he’ll be gone for the best part of the morning as he’s off to a funeral. So Ben doesn’t need to come up with an excuse to go upstairs. He quickly replies “Be there in 5 x”. 

“Drinks at the Vic tonight?” Jay asks, turning around once more. “Yeah. Meet you at five, alright?”, Ben replies, watching Jay walk around the next corner and disappear. 

Ben quickly runs upstairs to find Callum waiting in the doorway. 

“Hey”, Callum looks nervous, so Ben steps forward to cup his cheek. “You okay, Cal?”

Callum exhales and nods, “I’m just not sure where this is leading to, Ben. What are we doing? I mean we almost got caught by Jay yesterday.”

“I’m sure he would be understanding, Callum. He was there for me, I’m sure he’d be no different to you...”

“It’s not just about that, Ben! I’m cheating on Whitney and I don’t want to break her heart. I want what’s best for her.” Ben pulls the taller man into a hug, “I know you do, but this sure isn’t the best for her, let alone for you. Do you think she wants you to live a lie? Don’t you think she deserves to be loved properly?” “But I do love her, I can make her happy! I just have to...” “Forget who you are? Who you want to be with? That you are gay, Callum?” 

“What did you just say?”, both of them turn around to find Jay looking at them in utter shock. “Came back to grab the keys and thought I might as well check up on you, Callum, but it seems you are well looked after.”, he gives Ben a hard look. “Jay, please don’t tell anyone.” “Oh my god, I walked in on you yesterday and you let me believe you were ill, didn’t you?” 

Ben is the first to speak: “I’m really sorry I had to lie to you, bruv. But it wasn’t my place to tell...”

“I should’ve known! The way you kept staring at Callum...”

“What do you mean by that?”, Callum cuts in. “Well, he always looked like a lovesick puppy.”

“Oi, that’s not true!” Jay just rolls his eyes at him.

“Of course it is, Ben. No point denying it. I just thought it was unrequited, but I should’ve known, you normally don’t go after straight blokes.”

Callum stares at Ben like he only just realised his favourite team won the Premier League and Jay decides it is time leave them to it.

“Callum, are you alright? You seem a bit off. Don’t mind Jay, he doesn’t…”, but Ben isn’t able to continue rambling on as Callum swiftly crashes his lips onto his before connecting their bodies in an even swifter movement.

Ben’s head feels dizzy as Callum’s hands trace the muscles on Ben’s back. They don’t even realise they were walking into another room, so entranced were they by the flow of sensations they felt while kissing each other. They only stop when they hear a loud noise - Callum had hoisted the smaller man onto the kitchen worktop, which sent a pot crashing to the floor.

“So you like me, do you?”, Callum asks, a smirk plastered onto his face.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do apologise for the very long wait! I was really stuck, still am to be honest and don't really know how to end it. I hope this is still enjoyable! I am looking forward to moving on to other stories, there is much more I want to explore especially now that Callum's come out and we get to see them establishing their relationship.
> 
> I'm greatbritishtravels on Tumblr, come and say hello!


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